Do you know how hard it is to be honest? ALL of the time? I arrived at school at my usual time, and pulled into my parking spot. One of my best friends, we will call her Betty, called my name so I walked over there. She asked me if I thought the boy she liked really liked her. I knew he didn't, he told me. Well, remembering that I had to be completely honest with her I shrugged and said, "I don't think so." She broke in to tears. Look what I had done... and I had been at school for all of 7 minutes. I consoled her and told her it would be okay, and she asked me if her makeup looked terrible after crying for 10 minutes. Her mascara and eyeliner were smuged, and she had a streak of blush running down her face. The thing I would have liked to say was, "No, you look gorgeous." Just to make her feel better. But, I had to be completely honest. "Um, its kinda all over the place, let me help." I said. She then went on a rant about how she was ugly and thats why the boy didn't like her. I had only been at school for 15 minutes. This whole Emerson friend thing didn't really seem to be working out...
Not only did I have to be completely honest to Betty, I couldn't text her. Normally, I would have texted her from advisory telling her it would be okay, and such but I couldn't do that this morning. According to Emerson, the only way for us to talk was in face to face conversation. I left my phone turned off in my locker all day. Throughout milkbreak and lunch I had different people come up to me and say, "Why didn't you respond to my text?" I just shrugged. This upset a few of my friends, but really outraged Betty, who was having a terrible day and thought on top of being painfully honest to her, was now ignoring her.
Reflecting on it now, it really was important for me to take a day as an Emersonian friend. and after telling her later that night the purpose for my actions that day she forgave me. But the whole thing led us into an interesting discussion (via phone, which Emerson would not like). Why should she get offended for telling her the truth? Isn't that what best friends were for. And what is really so terrible about talking in person? It only further helps develop our friendship being face to face. So we decided, that we were always going to be honest to each other from then on. It's been a few days now, and it's actually not bad. I'm glad she can tell me, as my best friend what she really thinks, and she respects my truth in return. What Emerson taught me from all of this is that honesty, really is the best policy as well as that, when trying to develop deeper and more personal relationship, face to face conversation is the best way to go, and nothing less.
1 comment:
High Five Liza,
that was probably really tough, and I probably would have rationalized with myself, saying that Emerson would understand and make an exception for betty- But you stuck to your guns of honesty, so kudos. The fact is that the truth about that boy would have come out eventually, it sucks that you had to be the one to tell her, but deep down she knew it, or she wouldnt've been asking. Besides, she asked your opinion: "do you THINK he likes me" and your answer was no (because you knew he didn't...)
Its one of my biggest pet peeves when people ask questions to which they have already chosen an answer- and if you don't give them the answer they are expecting, you are suddenly the bad guy. Its so annoying. I think it goes back to that honesty thing though, they aren't being honest in the first place when they ask "do you think"... they should be saying "recite for me what we both know is false but is easier to say and hear" because thats whats really going on here. They start the dishonesty and you are almost forced to answer through your teeth with the desired reply. Now, as annoying as this is, I am in no way innocent of it. And it probably annoys me so much because its one of those things I see in myself. I think now I have realized that it is better to hear the truth, and how better from than your friends. When we ask the ever popular "... does __ like me?" there is only one thing we want to hear... generally. But it is rarely the truth. Letting yourself live in a lie of false hope can be really pleasent, but i can say from experience that it will come crashing down around you, and the more you've built it up, the further it has to fall. So i am really glad you told your friend the truth liza, its what she needed to hear. Because he doesnt like her doesn't mean she is ugly, or has no chance, it means he doesnt like her... yet. It means she can try harder or move on. It means that you don't shield her from the knowledge, but you help her through the feelings- it means your a good (Emersonian) friend! :) (sorry for the overwhelmingly cheesy ending, i couldnt help myself)
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